Tuesday, September 6, 2011

ARMY OF DARKNESS

Do you see this movie poster right here? You fucking better, unless you're blind, in which case this is being read to you. BUT THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING ARMY OF DARKNESS. Have you seen this movie before? No? You dont know SHIT about movies then. So before I continue, how about you plop your ass down, order this movie from Netflix (Thats right, you might have to move your fingers a bit to watch this masterpiece, tough luck asshole) and literally stare at the ceiling until this bad motherfucker right here arrives at your fucking doorstep in 2-3 business days.

Once you get this DVD right here, you can precede to masturbate furiously at the very thought of watching this. It is an honor, no, a PRIVILEGE for this movie to even be at your house. You might even want to be careful putting this thing into your DVD player, simply because there are hundred's of injuries every day from DVD players EXPLODING ON CONTACT WITH THIS MOVIE. Its that fucking awesome.

IF A.) Your DVD player didnt explode, and B.) You yourself did not explode from merely touching this movie, prepare your eyeballs, which WILL melt from your skull once this motherfucker starts.

Hopefully after the first five minutes your eyeballs arent nothing more than mush, and thus you can actually watch your movie. BUT WAIT, THERES MORE! If you are a male, prepare for uncontrollable spontaneous ejaculations from every fiber of your dick. Seriously, you could impregnate that hot chick down the street with how much semen comes outta your penis from simplying looking at the screen blankly while this movie is playing. If you survive this ordeal, and fully watch this movie without dying, you get to choose any mate you want, for forever. Seriously, I got bitches lined up for days cause of this movie, it makes you that badass.

Basically, go get this fucking movie right now.

14 comments:

  1. Well said, and a nice homage to maddox's style of writing.

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  2. So you're saying I should watch the movie? +follow

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  3. Totally agree but to get the full effect you really need to start with Evil Dead 1 and 2 (which this movie is actually a sequel to) which were supposed to be serious movies but were so bad they were really comedies

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  4. Evil Dead 1 + 2 have a special place in my heart <3, but I don't give them an honorable mention because I didnt watch those movies 3 times today :D

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  5. Thos movie.

    THIS MOVIE IS BRILLIANT

    Sam Raimi, you're forgiven for Spider-man 3. After Army of Darkness, you're allowed to film whatever you want with a straight face.

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  6. Well...I guess I'm going to have to dl this one!

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  7. Will watch when I get home. :)

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  8. There are movies and then there is Army of Darkness. I would not call it a movie. More like a force of nature.

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  9. seen it. love it. worship bruce campbell.

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  10. He's got a fucking chainsaw instead of a hand. That should be reason enough to watch and love it.

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  11. BZZZZZZZZZZZZ (chainsaw sound). Bruce Campbell is an inspiration. As you might have seen in my first post ever, i lost both my hands and were replaced by tools too. I couldn't get a chainsaw attached because it made it hard for me when my beard started to itch.

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