Thursday, September 1, 2011

"Now You See Me"

James looked out of his window and saw the man peeking from behind the tree.

"He still out there" he whispered to himself as he was shaking like a leaf.

Jason paced his room several times, still thinking about the man staring at his window.

"He's been there for more than a day now!" said James as he was walking around his bedroom, "He just wont leave! I've called the cops, but they wont help me at all!"

James sat down and decided to open up a book to try and calm his nerves. He fiddled around with "Open Arms" before getting anxious and throwing the book aside, then grabbed "The Art of War" before quickly tiring of that too. He jumped up out of his bed and ran to the window, but made sure not to have his head visible. He quickly peeked out of his blinds, and didn't see a trace of the man.

"Oh thank go-" James was saying until he caught a glimpse of something moving in his peripheral vision.

"Do not turn around" said the man as James heard the clicking of a gun.

"You will do exactly as I say, or else I will kill you"

James was shaking harder than ever, trembling at every word the man spoke.

"I want you to leave your house right now"

James tried to open the door, but it was jammed.

"I-It wont budge!" yelled James as he tried pulling on the knob.

"Then break it down" said the man

James picked up a chair from the desk in the corner and bashed the door in with it, and stepped through the hole in the oak. James walked down the hallway at the man's request, where he met another door, heavier than the last one.

"I cant break this one!" he said as he was bashing the chair on the door to no avail.

"Use the windows" said the man

James broke the windows and managed to squeeze out quickly, and tried to make a run for it.

"DONT YOU FUCKING MOVE ONE MORE STEP" yelled the man, and James instantly locked up.

"We're going for a little walk" said the man.

James walked down a few blocks, and every few minutes the man would tell him to not look so nervous.

"Stop looking around so much"
"I put the gun away, so its not like anyone will think I really have one on me"
"Don't you dare call for help, or else I blow both of you away"

They eventually made it to a corner-store called "Lemur's" where the man stopped James.

"Look in the bin next to the store, there is a gun, grab it and rob the store"

James reluctantly scurried off to get the gun, and went into the store as casually as he could.

"Hey man" he said to the cleck, "Do you see anyone on those cameras outside?"

The clerk looked at the cameras but didnt see anyone.

"Err Nob-" was all the clerk said before he had a .45 point right as his nose.

"I'm sorry man, but there's this guy and he sa-" James stopped as he looked out the store window and he saw the man shake his head as if to say "Don't tell him about me"

"..J-Just gimme all your cash!" yelled James, and the clerk immediately started laying out 100s on the table for James, pretty slowly.

James picked up the stacks and left in a hurry, but as he got outside he saw an entire police squadron parked around the store.

"PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON SIR" said a police officer on a megaphone

James looked back to where the man was and yelled "There's a man over there threatening to kill me if I didnt do what he said!"

The police asked him to lower his weapon again, and James complied. An officer quickly came up and handcuffed him. James saw the officers search around the dead end that the man was hiding in, but didnt find anyone.

As James was being put into the squad car, he over heard one of the officer's talking on him mic, saying "Valley Mental? We have one of your patients in our custody, he robbed a store and blamed in on an invisible man, we're taking him downtown right away"           


  1. liked the story, one thing is you can try to mix up the way you identify who is speaking you say "said the man" an awful lot in the text. sometimes it helps to identify the speaker before the speach with something like "the man said" or change the verb for speech to something more descriptive like whispered shouted or joked. also if you have back and fort dialog where its obvious who is talking you can even prune out most of these

  2. This one was awesome, love the twist at the end.

  3. you sure are good at the twist ending. like it.

  4. "Don't you dare call for help, or else I blow both of you away"

    Shouldn't that be "I'll blow you away?"
    Good story as always!

  5. Dalf ya caught me! But, I just re-read that, and it kinda makes sense, seeing as the man was just a figment of his own imagination :P

  6. Creepy story, man :) Though maybe you could make the chapters a bit shorter?

  7. i like stories about crazy people